The Ghoulish Plot: In the 2000s, teenagers still listened to what the oldsters used to call “rock music.” One night Jennifer drags her nerdy friend with her to go see a new band at a nearby club/bar. During the show a fire starts, and in the confusion the band gets Jennifer to join them in their gross rock guy van, and they take her to the woods to sacrifice her soul to Satan in order to get success in the music business. This was very typical of 00s Indie Rock music – the lyrics would be very emo and feminist, then backstage they’d try to seduce teenage girls and sacrifice them to the Devil. Looking at you, Bright Eyes!

The only caveat of the ritual is that the girl is supposed to be a virgin. Since Jennifer wasn’t when they sacrificed her to Satan, instead she becomes a succubus, and must feed on men in order to sustain her existence. That Beelzebub sure is a stickler! This film was written by Diablo Cody and turns out to be a sly take on horror and the “black widow” trope, but was instead marketed on its 2009 release primarily on the idea that Megan Fox was a smokeshow, hey-come-look-at-how-hot-she-is. Amanda Seyfried plays the nerdy best friend who finds herself as the only one who understands the danger and must destroy her former friend before she kills all their horny male classmates.

She finds the answers she needs in the school library’s occult section, since this movie was made before Moms For Liberty, and figures out how to destroy a succubus. But the only way to defeat the horrible spectre of faux-feminist indie rock is time. We start the movie kinda knowing how it ends, but as they say sometimes the whole point of the teen horror sex comedy isn’t the destination, but the journey.

This movie is funnier than expected with much more fleshed-out characters (especially the two leads) than you’d expect from a movie that was marketed primarily with the promise of big heaving jugs. I wouldn’t call it scary, but of the month so far this one has been among the bigger surprises in the roster of movies I’d never seen before.

The Scariest Part of the Movie: Literally every straight teenage boy could be lured to their horny doom the way Jennifer tricks them to willingly walk into places to eat them. Literally. Every. Single. One.

Spookiness Factor: Some good blood and gore but not really a jumpy/scary type of movie.

Rating: 7 out of 10 Three Musketeers