The Ghoulish Plot: a man from Boston travels to visit his fiancee at her spooky mansion, only to find that her gaslighting brother Roderick (played by a blond-dyed Vincent Price) would rather his sister not get married, have kids, or be happy in general. In 2024 Price’s character would probably be classified as a neurodivergent empath and spend the entire movie wearing Anime and MAGA t-shirts while posting on incel subreddits, but in 1960 he’s just a weirdo who likes to whisper and wear velvet jackets and says the house he lives in is evil, so his sister can never leave — clearly a very logical and reasonable request.

Eventually when Mr. Beantown decides to take his fiancee whether her brother likes it or not, Roderick opts to fake her death and bury her alive. But because he is eager to get back to playing his lute and drinking sherry, he does a bad job and she eventually gets free and may finally cause the ultimate demise of the House of Usher. Ends with a big flaming setpiece that director Roger Corman liked so much he used footage from in multiple movies. Will our lead character escape with his life and go found Dunkin’? Or will he himself be trapped forever in a dysfunctional family?

The Scariest Part of the Movie: The Usher’s manservant has been working in a house of sociopaths for 60 years. Talk about a toxic work environment!

Spookiness Factor: The movie LOOKS very spooky, lots of mist and fog and cobwebs and creaky old mansion shots. And Vincent Price is always reliably creepy, even with dyed hair and asking everybody to tiptoe and whisper at him.

Rating: 6 out of 10 Japanese Kit-Kats

The Ghoulish Plot: A once-acclaimed director made a weird, fun and unique movie in 1988 about a rural couple dying and meeting a weird demon creature that somehow grabbed the interest of the public and became a Saturday morning cartoon show. Many years and famous actress girlfriends later and after remaking “Dumbo” for some reason, that director reaaaaaally needed a hit and miraculously decided it would be cool to make a sequel to that earlier movie in 2024.

You remember that one kid in high school that you initially thought was pretty cool who wore punk t-shirts and said lots of nihilistic shit, and then eventually you just realized they were an attention-starved weirdo who talked way too much and worked at Hot Topic?

This movie is that person, in movie form. Way too much try-hard plot points thrown at the wall, and instead of the clear protagonist/antagonists situation we got in the first movie, now we have no clear idea idea who we’re supposed to care about or why. They even create a subplot designed specifically to humiliate one of the stars of the first movie (who has since done plenty to disgrace himself) that gets the plot moving, then does nothing else of value the rest of the film. Which is a pretty good summary of the entire movie, I guess.

The Scariest Part of the Movie: That even when you’re dead, most subway cars are filled with people yelling and dancing to music and you can’t figure out where the damn train is going in the first place.

Spookiness Factor: just like that Hot Topic kid, it looks like it’s supposed to be scary but then you get up closer and realize it’s full of strawberry Pocky and probably has divorced parents.

Rating: 3 out of 10 Peanut Butter Cups