Cinema Of Spookeries 2015: Day 4 – The Blair Witch Project

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The Ghoulish Plot: It’s the 90′s and everybody’s feelings have feelings. Three college students go into the rural woods of Maryland to film a documentary project entitled “The Blair Witch Project,” about the story of a witch in the woods who has killed kids, fisherman, random hillbillies and other people who wander into her field of vision. The trio is led by Heather, an ambitious girl who is determined to make her movie at all costs, until she begins to realize that there might be things in the woods that are out of her control, other than the unstoppable force that is the band Oasis. 

As the three work their way through the woods to see locations from the stories, they start to find that their map isn’t accurate, and strange forces begin to attack them at night that are much worse than secret tent farts. Finally one of them disappears in the middle of the night, and the two remaining try to find him, finally discovering a strange house in the middle of the woods. They enter inside and begin to find signs of the witch, but they might not get it on tape. For the kids, tape is what video used to go on, before everybody had a movie studio in their pocket they could also use to find strangers for sex. 

This is also the mother of all “Found Footage” scary movies, so the next time your friend takes a class in editing movies and wants you to come see the movie he helped make about the haunted closet in one of his classmate’s apartments, you have Blair Witch to thank for it. 

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The Scariest Part Of The Movie: The woods. The woods are scary as hell. I grew up near the woods. The woods are where meth-soaked hillbilly monsters go to get away from the rest of the world and do meth-soaked hillbilly shit. If I had to pick between living in Compton in the 90′s or the woods, hand me a Raiders hat, dude. 

Our Hero’s Downfall: On one level, it is the hubris of man to believe that they can overcome any obstacle, whether it be fact or possible fictional monster, and that through sheer force of will and determination they might prove their mettle. But also a scary Murder-Witch. 

Could It Happen: I don’t think there are undead floating ghost-witches floating around in the spooky woods. But I do believe there are cannibalistic hillbilly creatures whose god is Bill O’Reilly out there. 

Spookiness Factor: 7 out of 10. The way this was made ensured that the actors were experiencing real terror out there in the woods and it translates onscreen. I also grew up near woods that look exactly like the ones in the movie and would occasionally find spooky-ass shit out there. Hello, City Life! 

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