Cinema of Spookeries: Day 23 – War of the Gargantuas

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The Ghoulish Plot: Out at sea one lonely night, a Japanese fishing boat finds itself attacked by a giant octopus, which is pretty terrible. Then, just as it seems the octopus might give up and swim away, the octopus is attacked by a gigantic green sea-beast. There’s so much we still don’t know about the oceans, right? 

The green creature then attacks the fishing boat, almost like a child playing with a plastic boat in a bathtub, because this movie was made in 1966 on the cheap. One of the fishing crew survives to tell the tale of the attack, and Japanese authorities realize that it sounds like the work of one creature – a Gargantua! Of course! 

In comes Dr. Paul Stewart, who is supposedly a specialist on the subject of Gargantuas but who seems pretty bored by everything. He’s like one of those old gay men who was alive in the 70′s when everything turned into a coke-fueled orgy who now just stares off into the distance petting his tiny dog at every social gathering. It’s just so booooring

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It turns out Dr. Stewart and his team had been raising a Gargantua when it was a baby years ago, but it escaped into the wild and hasn’t been seen since. Authorities believe that it’s the same creature attacking boats and airports (and outdoor nightclubs for some reason) but Dr. Stewart thinks there may be more than one, and his Gargantua may be the GOOD one, if they can just find him and have him fight the green one. Cut to: Men in suits smash up tiny model cities, 60′s lazers shoot at things and lots and lots of bad English-over-Japanese voiceover occurs. Is anything resolved? Nope! But you see a lot of things get smashed. 

The Scariest Part Of The Movie: That despite wanton destruction, mayhem and people being randomly eaten, Dr. Stewart never raises above a Klonopin-induced “meh.” 

Our Hero’s Downfall: I’m not sure who the hero is supposed to be, but if it’s Dr. Stewart it’s that he needs to get some Vitamin C and stop taking constant naps whenever he’s not on camera. Or go to rehab for heroin. 

Could It Happen: I’m confident we are safe from Gargantua attacks. 

Spookiness Factor: 2 out of 10. This is an old-timey creature feature at best, although it does have people being picked up and eaten. Which does intensify things a bit, if you’re watching with kids. 

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